This blog post serves as a check-point to how much I have grown since my journey began. After my awakening of sorts. Which was when I had been awakened to this connection which I share with someone. I’ve never grown this much in a short span of time.
The positivity. I’ve made inroads in this area. I’m no longer over-thinking as much about minor setbacks that happen. This is no longer 2007 or 2008. Over the decade I have learned mindfulness, so I can keep my thoughts in check. We can’t really control thoughts, but can control how they bleed into our moods and actions. I used to have these paranoid thoughts. Is someone back-stabbing me? Does he have a grudge against me, that is why he is picking on me? Will I be asked to leap off 10 meters into a swimming pool? Just some examples. But for real, I got removed from a Whatsapp group by a fatherly figure. It triggered immediate anxiety in me, but thankfully my progress and growth calmed me down and made it subside within an hour. But that one hour I was trying to find an answer. Of course the answer was shared to me, and it was related to the verbal warning I received in the blog post Clammy Hand of Hope. It followed up one week from there to another meeting that was assessing my performance on the job. Multi-tasking school and work was tough. The events in Obligations, where I studied for and took the exam, greatly affected my performance at work.
Have you been in a tense situation? Like facing the possibility of losing your job? Or there was a blackout and the lift stopped in the middle of the shaft in between levels? Or getting followed by someone who was sexually attracted to you? Yes for me. I’ve faced the possibility of termination at least twice (the first time was over not reporting to work during a serious smog). I’ve been there. Trapped in a lift. Being tailed by a potential sexual predator on a deserted road both of us were exercising at. Till wild dogs started chasing him and saved me.
Ok, anyway the meeting went not as bad as I thought. The fatherly figure came over to me later when I was brooding alone, not joining the rest for lunch and facing the possibility of losing my job. No, I was not being asked to go after all. He still gave me assurance and was so cheerful when I was still reeling from the tension from the earlier half of the day. Then he tip-toed and danced away. I will never forget the positivity in everything that happened. I will get my act together.
Most people would ask the question, “Why is this happening to me?” However, I ask a different question, in sort of a third-person detached mode, “What is the lesson I am being taught here, this obstacle I must face, and how can I overcome it?” I still got tense during the meeting which was to assess my performance on the job. But as cliche as it sounds, they say that, “Courage is not the absence of fear.” I know these obstacles were thrust into my path so I can be taught something. So I can grow. And I go back and think about the partner who is in this journey with me. Owing to our connection. She might not have awakened or see me as her Twin Flame, but she did question. She did wonder. She was initially the one who asked me if I knew what a Twin Flame was. Well, back then I did not know.
No more negative thoughts. No more unhealthy obsessions. No more lingering on the past and still wanting to be carefree and hanging out and idling. I have work ahead of me. I will get there.
Tanuki Bruh 